The Sky is the Limit?

As my freewrite, I want to talk about my abilities. I am not particularly good at anything. I can't sing, can't dance, not an athlete or a nobel prize quality writer and most definitely not a poet. I'm just me and I'm okay with that. I don't have to be a world-class anything.

People always say, "the sky is the limit! You can do/be whatever you want!" Yes, these are great words of encouragement but when you reach a certain age and have explored so many different fields, hobbies, and extracurriculars, you begin to know your limits. Face it, you cannot do everything! And people need to learn to accept that. I accept my limits and that there are certain things I cannot do. This post may seem a bit out of line to some people but I feel like I should be able to write about whatever I want in a freewrite.

MTC staff, administrators, team teachers, and second years constantly tell us that MTC teachers are not going to change the world and will not change Mississippi overnight. So they drill into first year teachers that they need to realize this and know thier limits. There it goes again! "Know you're limits!" "You cannot be these children's knights in shining armor," they tell them. "Don't get mad if you don't see change," they say. So in this grand attempt to save their teachers from spiraling into depression, they make sure that they know their limits from the beginning.

With all that said, I think it is unreasonable to require me to write a poem, when I cannot. To me, it's like making someone swim across a pool when they clearly can't swim (Gerald Penny, Amherst College Class of 1977). Yes, I'm being a little drastic when I make that comparison but all the same, poetry is a unique form of expression like art or music and everyone is not good at it. The Sky is the Limit when you are young. They sky is the limit when you're finding yourself. Once you've become who youe are, there's a plate glass ceiling.

Misery

About the title: So Ben is forcing us to write a poem as one of our blog posts. Cruel? Yes, very. Especially to those who cannot write poetry. No, it is not true that everyone has a poet inside them. The words that come from a person's mind and flow onto a page do not always make sense. They are not always beautifully or cleverly articulated. Let's face it; some people write trash. With that said, here is the poem I an being forced to write. The title describes how I felt that day.

Misery

One Saturday morning,
rolled out my bed.
Couldn't stop the pounding,
coming from my head.
Should have stayed at home,
but went out instead.

It's just female nature.
I know I'll be okay.
So on to Indianola,
for a catfish lunch that day.
Couldn't stand the smell,
had to get away.
So I snuck off to a corner,
to keep the nausea at bay.

All that didn't work,
still thought that I would die.
My life flashed before my eyes,
and I tried not to cry.
Misery is the best word
to describe that moment.
Looked at my life and realized I didn't own it.


Misery Part II

pain.
misery.
dehydration.
life.
lies!
death.
end.


Happy now Ben? You forced me to produce this mess.

Mine

Ben gave us a book titled "Letters from Mississippi." It had letters, poems, reports, and pictures. I like the idea of the book (reports from civil rights volunteers and poetry of the 1964 Freedom Summer) but unfortunately some of the letters are really boring. However, there is one poem that stuck out to me titled "Mine" by 17 year old Alice Jackson of Jackson, MS. I'll copy the poem at the end if you would like to read it but I want you to read my thoughts on it first.

From history lessons and stories told by older relatives, I've always known how segregation worked in the south but hearing it from this young woman touched me. As I read the poem and she described what she would like to see her home look like, I realized how fortunate my generation is. Yes we also deal with the legacy of slavery (racism in many different forms) but we have never been denied access to public venues simply based on the color of our skin nor do we face the level of blatant day to day racism that our grandparents met.

I do not like the term "African-American" (I would prefer to just be called black considering my father is from Trinidad and my Mom is from Mississippi. "West Indian-African-Native-American" is not the best classification) but I digress. As I read the last two lines of her poem, it got me thinking. Did we even have the term "African-American" back when she was growing up? We were Negroes, not Americans. We were niggers, not people. I still would prefer to be classified as black American but I have a new appreciation of "African-American."

So as I sit here reflecting on her poem, I realize how lucky I am. I don't have to fight as hard as she did to enjoy the rights that the Constitution gave me. I can take pride in knowing that my classification has the word "American" in it. Our next step should be getting rid of the need for hyphens (ex. African-, Irish-, Italian-American) and make us all simply Americans.

MINE
I want to walk the streets of a town,
Turn into any restaurant and sit down,
And be served the food of my choice,
And not be met by a hostile voice.
I want to live in the best hotel for a week,
Or go for a swim at a public beach.
I want to go to the best University
and not be met with violence or uncertainty.
I want the things my ancestors
thought we'd never have.
They are mine as a Negro, an American;
I shall have them or be dead.
- -Alice Jackson

Can I get a freebie?

About the title:
So we've been given the liberty to free write for this post and while titling it I thought of a freebie. It's like you're walking down the street and see a group of girls (or guys, though very rarely) jumping double dutch and you want a turn, you say "Can I get a freebie." If you have been following my blogs from the beginning, you'll find that I have random titles for most of them (unless I'm really lazy, then I'll title it something boring and generic).

Inspired by one of my fellow interns, I want to talk about our dinner party last Wednesday. So one of the first years made dinner one night and we volunteered to make dinner another night and different people jumped on the dinner rotation. Wednesday Shanika used her brilliant artistic talent to make a sign that pointed our guests to either side of our apartments. The final menu was corn on the cob, barbecue chicken, biscuits, pasta salad, plantains, and mashed potatoes. (mmmmmmmm!) And Buck brought brownies for dessert :-)

A lot of people managed to make it out to our party; first years, second years, staff, program directors. It was actually great to see that we can all get along and talk to one another in a social setting without feeling a power hierarchy. Ben asked us if we think the ways in which we all interact with each other affects our job performance, not the interns but the teachers. In the program, third and fourth year teachers (maybe even higher) are staff hired to evaluate the first and second years. But with us living in such close quarters and interacting so much (whether through volleyball, dinners, outings, etc) a potential problem arises. Can the staff accurately evaluate the teachers or will they slack off and "be nice" because they are friends with them?

To answer Ben's question, I don't believe that our close-knit environment necessarily breeds inadequate evaluations. Members of the staff are still professionals and know when it is time to work. If anything, I think they would be more invested in doing a thorough evaluation because they want to see their friends improve and become the best teachers they can be. They also have a better understanding of how to best talk to their "mentee".

The main point I am trying to make in this post is that we are a very close-knit community of MTCers and I don't think that breaking us up or encouraging certain people not to interact with certain others would be more detrimental than anything. When the president of our college asked first year teachers why they chose MTC over other programs like Teach for America, many of them said it is because they feel like MTC had a stronger support system. Many of these teachers can't make it through their first summer without the help of the veterans. So no Ben, I don't think that allowing staff to interact with teachers is a bad idea. I actually think you made a really good decision to allow all of us to be together.

And it continues. . . .

We have been asked to talk about our experiences so far, which is basically another update. I admit that I couldn't really find things I wanted to talk about in my last update. The beauty of the campus hasn't changed much, neither has the weather or our work schedule. So I figure this time I will talk about the actual program (my responsibilities) and the people in the program.

So most of the time the interns just do what Ben tells us to do. We do typical office things (photocopying, making spreadsheets, handling the concerns of the first years) and help run the summer school. First and second years always ask us exactly what we do and we can never really tell them so we just say, "Whatever Ben tells us to do; wash his car, do his laundry, press his shirts." :-) Yes, we can just joke like that, which brings me to what I really want to talk about.

Before interning with the Teacher Corps I had never hung out with people different from myself. I mean I have a lot of non-black friends but they all can identify with me; raised in the city, like hip hop culture, not the richest people, or has experienced/experiences the minority struggle (I wish I had a better phrase for that but it hasn't come to me yet). My last sentence may have been a bit confusing so I'll be blunt, before coming to Mississippi, I cannot count how many white friends I had because I don't have any. It's not that I am racist or don't like white people, I just never thought we could connect because we have had completely different experiences and I mean how can we be friends and carry out normal conversations if half the time you don't know what I'm saying (and vice versa).

I still can't count how many white friends I have. But I'm proud to say that now it's because I have so many. If I don't learn/carry anything else away from Teacher Corps this summer, I can safely say that I have grown in the two weeks that I have been here. I have learned that people are people and we may have different experiences but that shouldn't stop us from speaking to one another. I remember just the other day I was schooling a second year about the ins and outs of black hair. It was actually really funny. And they teach me the southern lingo (which I then proceed to butcher. yea, I'm bad at "foreign" slang)

Teacher Corps has been very beneficial to me. Now I'm confident that I can go back to Amherst and connect with more of my peers since I no longer hold this idea that I cannot be friends with whites.

Update!

So I can't count how long I've been in Mississippi (well I can but I really don't want to). So far, I am having tons of fun. I actually don't think you are supposed to have this much fun at a job. All the people are great and extremely nice. As far as Mississippi goes, everything is great; the weather (as you can imagine, it's never cold), the scenery. Tomorrow we start summer school and I'm very excited about that. I enjoy the speakers that are set up for us but I think would enjoy working in the summer school more (we'll see if that opinion changes once I actually go to the summer school :-) ). The worst thing about the internship is is being away from my family though. Yes I live away at college, but I'm an hour away and can go home when I please. Down here, I definitely can't do that. But hopefully this internship is all worth it (seems like it might be so far!)

The Biography of Asia Millette by Germain McConnell

When Dr. McConnell opened up to us and told us his life story, it was almost as if he were telling my story; one sibling (multiple from father), strong single mother, absent father yet strong paternal grandmother presence. He really nailed my life. I just want to say that stories like his further prove my point that single black mothers can successfully raise children by themselves. But it also reminds me that you can do anything if you have a good support system; whether it's your family (like in Dr. McConnell's case) or an outside source (like programs such as Leadership Enterprise for a Diverse America [LEDA], Prep for Prep, or Big Brother, Bis Sister).

As far as a strong support system, I wish I got more support from my family. My mother is a down-for-whatever mom that supports me in everything I do. Whether it was kickboxing, tennis, dance, step, cheerleading, bellydancing, whatever, she was there. She even would have bought me the shoes if I wanted to take up riverdancing. But the rest of my family (not all but the vast majority) are just haters. It's like crabs in a barrel, they cant do well for themselves so they want to pull me back or just be very jealous rather than supportive. Despite the ill wishes coming from every direction (my family, administrators at my school, my peers), I know I'm going to overcome everything and be successful. And I wont forget the people that stood beside me when I needed them (mainly my mom).

Back to having a strong mom. (I am trying to organize my thoughts but my thoughts are scattered). Dr. McConnell shared with us that his mom didn't finish high school but possessed great common sense. My mom is like that in many ways but different in others. She did graduate high school but she knew that my grandmother couldn't afford to send her to college (there were 9 of them) so she went to the military to continue her education. She's always preached to my brother and I that if she had the opportunity to go to college, she would have but she knows the importance of education and found any means possible to obtain it. So no my mom doesn't have a college degree but she's one of the most intelligent people I know. She's wise and her life experience surpasses anything that any professor could have taught her in a classroom. I'm trying not to tear up as I write this but my mom inspires me so much that it is hard for me not to get emotional when I'm talking about her.

I have to say that Dr. McConnell was one of my favorite speakers. He kept it real with us and even though the talk was supposed to be centered around him and his experiences, he asked us questions about ourselves that went above and beyond the "state your name, hometown, grade level, and major" questions that we are used to being asked. Two of us fought back the tears as we explained to him what we are passionate about. He even drew tears out of one of us. It didn't stop there; he said he wants to talk to us some more and figure out our own stories, what makes us tick. He's another person here that I feel I can talk to. Just this morning I went into his office and we were just talking about how our weekends went.

I guess in the end I want to get across the idea that I can identify with Dr. McConnell's story and because of that, he was one of my favorite speakers.

Ken

Ken Estling is a Teacher Corps teacher that came and spoke to us about the history of education. When we first walked into the room, he handed us a packet. The directions at the top instructed us to sit quietly and read the article until we came to the word "STOP." After we started reading, we were then supposed to turn the paper over and wait for everyone else to finish reading. I haven't had a "lesson"/instructions like this since I was in the 8th grade. The purpose of the demonstration was to show how obedient students are. They simply do what they are told, don't ask questions, don't challenge authority (for the most part).

But I have issues with Ken's views. It seems as if he's annoyed (for lack of a better word) that the kids don't ask questions. But I have to say, if a teacher gave me a textbook and taught from it, I would not think to question the teacher or the textbook either. It is only during a college bound program the summer before my senior year that I even began having intellectual conversations with my peers and teachers that encouraged us to challenge things and ask questions. Even our facilitators who were Harvard grad students and Princeton professors commented that they did not have those types of "question-and-discuss" classroom conversations until they got to college. So I think it's unfair for Ken to assume that these kids even know that there is something wrong with the textbook or that things aren't adding up. As a teacher, you should just tell them and encourage them to ask questions, not assume that they know that they can. Like he said in his talk, many students are amazed that he said the textbook was wrong. From my experiences in public school, it is very easy to accept what you are taught without questioning it (unless of course your teacher is a complete moron and anybody can see that he/she doesn't know what he/she is talking about).

Towards the end of our conversation Ken asked what we thought the second paragrapgh of the Declaration of Independence does;

"We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable rights, that among these are Life, Liberty, and the pursuit of Happiness."

I think this quote is used to legitimate social institutions. We have to maintain the idea that all men are equal, have the same rights, and the same opportunities to succeed. If you fail, it's by your own faults and not the fault of anyone else. In this way, those who fall short of success blame themselves and do not question who runs the nation because we all have the same opportunities to achieve, therefore we all had the opportunity to get these high importance jobs.

Twinkle Twinkle, Dr. Winkle

About the title: There is absolutely no reason for that title, I just thought it was cute and clever :-)

Where to start? So we found out that our speaker Dr. Winkle acutally applied for a position at Amherst and was competing against the infamous Sarat, talk about a small world. Come to think of it, Ole Miss is like an Amherst... (couldn't come up with anything clever to call it, I guess I used all my wit on the title) But I'm pretty sure we can have a reunion here and at least 30 people will show up. But I digress.

I honestly wish I had something to say about the content of Dr. Winkle's talk but I don't. :-( However, I do have a lot to say about his demeanor. From what I've seen, Dr. Winkle is the sweetest professor we've met at Ole Miss. He doesn't shout or get loud and despite this calm way about him, you can still feel the intensity of the passion in his voice when he spoke about the Civil Rights cases.

Before the talk, countless people told us that Dr. Winkle is their favorite professor and they love him. I can see why. He spoke to us about the cases surrounding "separate but equal." He pointed to things none of us had ever considered and explained them so simply and with such great detail that I couldn't take my eyes and ears off him (it sounds really weird but he's just that good). I don't even go to Ole Miss but I feel like I'd be welcome to just go to his office hours and Jones with him if I wanted to. (Jones means talk casually for all those people a little up there in age *cough cough, that means you Ben*)

I don't know what was going on all those years ago but Amherst College missed a good one.

Baby Geniuses

When I think of early childhood education, I think of 4 and 5 year olds sitting n a classroom learning their ABCs and 123s. But education begins way before a child even knows how to speak. Early childhood education begins when a child is as young as 7months old. (Not any formulaic number, just one I chose). Every word he hears and the tones of the words have an impact on him.

Mr. Claibourne Barksdale spoke with us this week about the importance of early childhood education. Mississippi is the only state in the South (and one of only a handful of states period) that does not have a state sanctioned Pre-kindergarten system. The daycares that they do have are often dark and hot so that the children are tired and more easily manageable. However, pre-schools are supposed to teach children, not babysit them, keeping them quiet until their parents come and get them. Teach them? You may ask "how/what am I going to teach a 7month-old baby?" Now Im not talking about teaching them calculus or Shakespeare. I mean talk to the kids in full sentences, engage them, make them comfortable enough to want to talk back to you in whatever gibberish or baby language they have created.

Mr. Barksdale's talk made me re-evaluate how I treat my own young cousins, nieces, and nephews. I often play with them but sometimes I don't want to be bothered so I stick a pacifier in their mouths, hoping they'd just be quiet.

I wish I had a critical question to ask Mr. Barksdale but I don't. I only have one comment; The children are our future. Yes, I know it sounds cliche and we hear it almost everyday but it is the truth. They are the ones who will be running the country and taking care of us in our old age. We need to remember to treat them as people (like actually interacting with them) instead of assuming that a bottle and a toy will bring them the ultimate joy.

While in Memphis. . .

So Saturday we took a field trip to Memphis, TN; visited the civil rights museum and rock and blues museum, ate some barbeque too (beef briskett was banging, though the side dishes were horrendous).

Who would have thought, 41 years after Martin Luther King Jr.'s death we would have a black president (I know "African American" may be more PC but I have issues with the term so I say black). During the Civil Rights Movement, black organizations rallied, protested, striked, marched, and boycotted for various causes such as desegregation, workers' rights, the right to vote, and other important liberties denied to blacks and other people of color. Walking through the gallery of the Civil Rights Museum in Memphis reminded me of the struggles those before me endured so that I may have these rights. In the display about voting, there was a wheel and dozens of sentences that determined your voting eligibility. This wheel represented the slim chances blacks had of being allowed to register to vote. When the wheel finally stopped after I gave it a spin, it said that I needed to try again next month because there weren't enough workers present to handle my registration. Upon seeing this, along with the other documents and pictures pertaining to black voting rights, I couldn't help but think about this past election of 2008.

Our predecessors fought tirelessly so we could have the right to vote and when we finally got it, few people exercised that right. There was a big campaign from the Democrats and Obama supporters to get out and register people to vote. I know of at least three people from my school who were so dedicated to the cause that they took a semester off to continue work to register people to vote and get them to the polls. Why must we fight the same fight that our predecessors fought 40 plus years ago? They did this so that we wouldn't have to yet here we find ourselves, 50yrs later doing the same work that SNCC, SCLC, NAACP, and similar groups did. A record amount of young people voted in this past election which is an amazing thing. I just wish we would appreciate the things that we take for granted. You sit on your couch and don't want to go to the polls because you're tired or you know the lines will be long, or whatever lame excuse you manage to come up with; meanwhile people lost thier lives to make it possible for you to stand on that line.

We should not be fighting the same fight that was fought 50 years ago.